A Final Exam

[ياسر7]

It was the final examination for an introductory English course
at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and
exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and
told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly
two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A
half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the
professor for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor
stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began
writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams,
and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the
late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last
student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk
preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on
the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The
student looked incredulous and angry.

"Do you know WHO I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" The student asked again.

"No, and I don't care." Replied the professor with an air of
superiority.

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of
completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of
the room.

[ياسر7]

A helicopter was flying around Seattle yesterday when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not
determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten
sign, and held it in the helicopter's كلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعة The pilot's sign said "WHERE
AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held in a building كلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعةكلمة ممنوعة Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A
HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot
responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar
to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely
useless answer."

[ياسر7]

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast
around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and
was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still
with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the
toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the
window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk
work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them.
This happened several times. When he could do work at his desk,
the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly.
He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised
its level of unruliness. Finally, becoming disgusted with the
wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and
stapled the tie to his chest in several places.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth

[ياسر7]

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by a fierce tribe. The chief approaches them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives
him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the
queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but
he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork
and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the
chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's
horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you
doing???" The New Yorker looks at the chief and laughs, "So much for your canoe!"